Stan – A Humanist Wish

Funerals are ghastly, but a symbolic ritual, an opportunity to take time to remember a cherished loved one or friend. The service is a critical facet and it may seem odd to enthuse but this Humanist service carried real weight and conviction.

The Humanist Society works on behalf of non-religious people who seek to live ethical lives on the basis of reason and humanity with a desired aim to treatment everyone equally regardless of religion or belief. Stephen Fry is a leading advocate.

Stan was my cousin, he lived with my Mum for a time during the war years and they remained close – he was like a younger brother. And then later in his late teens he regularly visited my Mum & Dad – and Dad was Best Man at his Wedding.

The service started piquantly with the piercing Bat out of Hell by Meatloaf and then the eulogy was read by Alison Orchard from the Exeter Humanist Society with great skill and warmth. She took her time and introduced him –

“Stan was a man who was interested in many things, from tarantulas, through football to heavy metal…”

This caused a few chuckles and she continued to paint a picture of his life and loves but also the power of the human spirit –

Stan had…. “a quirky sense of humour, a strong sense of community and a committed nature, he was someone who enjoyed the company of family and friends and would put himself out for them. Stan had faith in human spirit and a belief in the power of human endeavour.”

I was grateful for the lesson.

The story of course about the tarantulas had to be fully told because Stan was a Zoologist – obsessed from an early age with an earnestness to learn and understand nature, so animal interest was a given –

“Stan bred tarantulas at home for many years and was happy to share his hobbies with anyone who was interested!  The family got used to escaped cockroaches and locusts bred to feed the spiders and neighbours were placated by assurances that Stan was doing research into the species! “

At the end there was a touching reading of a famous poem,  If I Should Go, written by Joyce Grenfell and read by a friend & University colleague –

If I should go before the rest of you
Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone
Nor when I’m gone speak in a Sunday voice
But be the usual selves that I have known
Weep if you must
Parting is hell
But life goes on
So sing as well.                

And then a musical farewell, Paranoid from the kings of metal, Black Sabbath with the final rhyming couplet especially prophetic –

And so as you hear these words telling you now of my state
I tell you to enjoy life I wish I could but it’s too late

Stan – it was a perfect service and a fitting tribute. You will be missed.

Service – Friday 9th May 2014

Posted by: Fawkes